I’m completely addicted to the show Catfish–where two filmmakers help lovelorn people figure out if their online crushes are actually real people–but I never thought I’d get Catfished IRL. A few weeks ago one of my Twitter followers told me that someone was using my image on their Ok Cupid profile. I mean great she thought I was cute enough to use for her (assume it is a her) profile but HELLO! And I instantly thought about who she’s out there duping. My next big question was: is she using my entire life–not just my pic–as a template for her own? Confession time: once upon a time I did some online dating. I clicked around her page and noticed that there wasn’t much Shallon-ness to be found. I sent the site an email asking them to remove the profile or at least the picture, but in the meantime, I took matters into my own hands and made a fake profile of a dude to try and Catfish her right back! Love is like sales–if you don’t believe in your own product, how can you expect anyone else to buy what you’re selling?
If he doesn't have a job, it's understandable that he won't want to lead with that, but if he won't even elaborate when pressed, he either (1) does something shady as hell for a living or (2) is just fine with lying a lot.14. It's one thing if he's being a gentleman and doesn't want you to make a long drive out to see him.
His other social media profiles are really private. You're thinking things are going really well so far. Is he sleeping during the day and going out at night to fight crime? He sends 15 texts in a row when you don't respond right away. Time to send nine more just to make sure you're not missing them. attentive now, just wait until you meet in person.5. You're probably hoping he has a sexy, checkered past. In reality, he just doesn't want you to find out about his DUI.6. He knows better than to explicitly text, "I m so horne," or ask for pictures of your breasts, but he's . There's no way anyone showers or lifts that much, bro.8. You've had plans to meet up on multiple occasions, and something always happens. People are always checking him out when he walks down the street, but he hates the attention. Even if it's a really pretty dick, the odds that this guy is going to be a good husband are slim to none. He calls you "baby" within his first three messages.
You're really hitting it off, but the dude is basically a ghost. No one who online dates is "off the grid." He's hiding a dark secret (or he just has a girlfriend).2. And then suddenly you don't hear from him for 12 hours. Either his mom gets sick or he gets a flat tire or his mom gets sick again. Bailing eight times means he's hoping you'll send him nude pictures without him ever having to actually meet you.9. He's always complaining about the long hours he works, but he makes really good money, so it's OK. Everyone likes to talk themselves up when you first meet them, but he really forces conversations in odd directions just to get the chance to make himself look cool. Unless you are actually a giant baby, Benjamin Button-style, there's no reason for some guy you don't know to call you that.
"Hey, how about for our first date, we grab a bite to eat, and then I [vague reference to oral here]." Chances are slim you are going to be like, "Yeah, dude.
Let's go grab some Frostys and then bang." Socially competent people know to just ask someone out to dinner and then let the banging happen organically.13. There's no shame in being unemployed for a stretch or getting paid under the counter.